Where The Mind Is Without Fear

I still haven't figured out why or on what grounds I was selected for the inter-house recitation competition at school. All I remember is: one day the house captain hailed me out the class at recess and, told that I was participating in the recitation competition which was around the corner. I was perplexed. Neither could I question, nor was I allowed. That's it. 

I had the slightest of idea what I was going to recite. 

After much deliberation I decided what I would recite. 

Having no experience in public speaking, I was scared to the marrow. I was trying to figure out how I would speak into a mike which was, certainly, going to amplify my voice for the audience to hear. I was wishing that the current ran out when it was my turn. I know it was bullshit. But, the inevitable must come to pass!

The day came—the competition day! I climbed on to the stage. The audience consisted of teachers and some students. I got stiffened to sabdahan position as I saw the audience eyeing me. Nobody was batting their eyes. I thought, what's wrong? The moment the mike was placed in-front of my mouth my heart started pounding—each beat of my heart was clearly audible to me. I wondered if anybody else could hear it as well. I felt the thumping of veins around my temples. It was an anxiety attack. Thick beads of sweat materialized on my forehead. I was finding a way out. Time was slipping away. And, I had to speak. There was no other option, now that I was on the stage. Finding no loophole whatsoever, I don't know what clicked in my mind, I gingerly closed my eyes, tried to control my breath and, all I did was pictured the poet of the poem I was about to recite. I saw him right in-front me. In Kabiguru's grace I gained the courage to mumble the lines, 'Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high, where knowledge is free. . . ' My eyes were still shut as I was showering in Gurudev's blessing which was sputtering through his palms. I didn't want to open my eyes after I was done I remember. Someone from behind had to jerk me out the trance.

Though I didn't win the competition, now whenever and wherever I feel anxious or nervous, I close my eyes, breathe mindfully and remember Gurudev. And, as I see him I feel relaxed. He calms me as I repeat the lines in his grace, 'Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high. . . .'

Dt.: 6/5/'20